Three to four times a year since I was a junior in college, I have looked at various grad programs at various universities across the country (and occasionally outside of the country as well). Apart from when I was in my final semester of college and decided I needed a break between undergrad and grad for mental and physical health reasons, every other time I have gone looking at programs I have come to the same conclusion: I cannot afford it.
To be fair, I couldn’t afford undergrad either, but I got student loans for that. Because of the support and ability of my parents, they co-signed the loans with me, allowing me to be eligible for the money I needed and trapping them in my students loans as well (thanks, and I’m sorry). To add to my student loans now, when I am making zero dollars, would be irresponsible, debilitating, and near-impossible.
Especially considering the fact that all of the programs I have looked at do not offer financial aid to graduate students.
And please, do not tell me to apply for third-party scholarships—not just is that not helpful advice because I have already done that, but also a) most of those scholarships are only equal to one textbook, b) most are only for undergraduates as well, c) the ones that are for graduates, are almost always STEM, and d) I shouldn’t have to play the lottery to get an education. (Submit a poem and enter for a chance to win a $1000 scholarship to a participating university! (I didn’t win, but I did get a lot of junk emails!))
You may have guessed already, but I have just completed my semi-annual request for graduate information from universities. I have, once again, concluded that I cannot afford it. Sad.
Do you know what I want? What I really really want?
I want to study literature and writing at a collegiate level, and I want to teach literature and writing at a collegiate level.
I am not saying that I am financially unable to buy a private island and that is a problem; I do not want to own an island (the upkeep for an entire island sounds like far too much work). I am saying that I am financially unable to be an English teacher. Let me say that again for emphasis:
I am financially unable to be an English teacher.
That is a problem within our society that we need to fix. Even if this issue is never fixed for me, even if I never get to lecture on why Hemingway is actually garbage (and be paid for it, because if you know me, you’ve heard the lecture for free, you’re welcome), it needs to be fixed for other people. Have you ever considered the amount of knowledge, insight, and innovation we are missing out on because people are financially unable to share it with us? Let alone the ART we are missing out on!
We are collectively hurting as a society because we are hurting lower income individuals and families.
This of course goes beyond higher education. There is so, so, so much in this country that is denied to people based on financial reasons. Public funding for public education for children, for instance, is based on the property taxes of the neighborhood. So, if the houses or residents of that neighborhood are deemed undesirable, the property taxes are low, then the children in that neighborhood get a subpar education, because they just don’t deserve resources, right? These children had the audacity to be born to a family who live in a neighborhood we don’t like, so no education for them!
Personally, I think that the less resources a person has the more resources should be offered them, but you know, that’s not how capitalism works. So we punish people for being poor, which ends up creating generational poverty and furthering the wealth divide.
In the midst of this classist rant, I would like to remind everyone of the intersectionality at play here, specifically the racial intersection. Black, Indigenous, and People of Color have even more resources denied to them than white poor. Notice that I used the word “undesirable” to refer to neighborhoods with low property taxes; in this country, that often translates to Black and African-American neighborhoods. We have trapped our Black siblings in a system of generational trauma due to financial instability and a lack of resources because some European men in 1500s made up race to justify the mass kidnapping, torture, murder, and enslavement of millions of Africans.
We all collectively got together and decided that we were going to deny Black children quality education because their ancestors were kidnapped.
And yes, I do mean we. Us, right now, right here. We have the power to change this. To protest this. To pressure politicians to change how schools are funded. To elect politicians who believe in quality education for everyone. Yet, so often, we hear “taxes” and freak the flippity fuck out. Even if you, personally, as an individual, believe that BIPOC children deserve just as good of an education as white children, you likely have found yourself in positions where you are campaigning against this because you are afraid of higher taxes.
Before I return to my original point, I would be remiss if I did not remind everyone of these facts: a) raising the income tax on the richest 10 people in the country could pay for education for everyone (including higher education), b) proposed tax plans by President Elect Biden will not raise your taxes (I cannot imagine anyone who reads my blog makes more than $400,000, but if you do, then your income taxes may be raised marginally), and c) the proposed military budget for the 2021 fiscal year is $705.4 billion (read: $705,400,000,000). That’s where your taxes are going, dummies. To the people who want to bomb Iran, again.
But I digress.
I simply cannot fathom why education is inaccessible. We, collectively, have the resources to allow every child quality education and every adult higher education. Yet, we choose not to. We have the resources to allow everyone access to food, housing, health care, and universal basic income too, but, once again, we have chosen not to do this.
Why are we so attached to suffering?
This system we have in place hurts everyone. Everyone! All of us!
Imagine that thing that you really want or want to do but the technology doesn’t exist yet. Maybe you want flying cars, colonizing the Moon, curing cancer, downloading food, reanimating dinosaurs, etc. Maybe the person who could do this thing exists right now, but we have decided to deny education and other resources to them that would allow them to make your wildest dreams come too.
I’m not going to save the world. I’m not going to change the course of humanity. But maybe, educating me would give me the tools needed to bring joy to more people, to bring new ideas to more people, to educate someone who could save the world.
I’m just really disappointed in society right now. For myself and my own education, and for all of the potential that is being denied so many, many people because we are holding humanity hostage with money.
Money doesn’t even exist. We made it up! I’m having an existential crisis, and I want you to join me!
Anyways, Jeff Bezos, if you’re reading this, I would appreciate it if you donated fifteen seconds of your profit to my education (if you donated a full minute, I could pay off my current loans and get a PhD). Thanks.